I bet he comes in French.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Randomize
