u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Randomize