You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
