Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
