would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Randomize
