it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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