he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
