If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize