and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
