i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
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