I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
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