I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Randomize
