3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
