I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
