Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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