Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
