this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
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