I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Randomize
