see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
