That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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