i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
