He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
