I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Randomize
