I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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