the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Randomize
