omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
