We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
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