Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
my phone needs a breathalizer
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
