Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Randomize
