That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Randomize
