He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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