i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
