so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
