I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
