Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
