Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
