oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Randomize
