see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
