My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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