Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Well I just put wine in my tea
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize