I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
