I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
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