I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
