my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
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