The maid of honor just puked.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
