I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
i think im in europe. pls send help
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
