If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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