Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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