Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I think your dad took our porno
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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