party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
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