He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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