Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
