Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
