I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
