I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
I am spending my child support on dildos
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Randomize