Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Randomize
