I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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