Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
