that's an acceptable place to lick
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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