Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
love makes seman taste better
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I think your dad took our porno
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
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