i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Randomize
