Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
