my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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