Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
He kissed a someone with a penis
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
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