so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Randomize
