Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I met the friendliest cop last night
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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