i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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