I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
