at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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