just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
