Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
