I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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