She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
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