I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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