what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
