Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Randomize
