And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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