Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
