Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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