Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
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